Today's Project: Christmas Cards

I'll be finished with this by today and will happily cross this off my list!

New Moon

I went to see New Moon last night with my nurse-friend Erin Lea, and two of her nurse friends.

I had a hard time finding the right words as we left the theater. I was let down.

There was a different director than Twilight, which gave this movie a different feel. I liked Catherine Hardwick's approach to the first movie much better. This one was like too...high budget. Too many special effects. Too Hollywood.

The story was good. The acting was good. The passion was there.....But it didn't feel very Pacific Northwest. Like really- what was up with those forest scenes? I mean hheeelllllloooooooo...... the Olympic Rain Forest is not made up of cedar trees. And the ground is not dusty! Even in the dead of summer. It just didn't look or feel like Forks. Twilight was on a much smaller budget, but ultimately that's what gave it it's charm.

It seemed like the new director tried too hard to make it great and it doing so, took away the essence of the story.

Ok. I am being harsh. I'll get off my soapbox.

I loved the Volterra scenes and when I read the book, that is strangely just how I pictured it in my mind, so that part was well done and really nailed it.

So will I see it again? ...Probably :)

Ways to Help a Friend Through Loss

A few weeks ago I received an email from one of my very great friends asking for advice. Since then I have thought many times about how my reply to her would be good to post on my blog, because someone else may find the information useful, too. I have put it off for a while now, as sitting down to write this forces me to face memories and emotions that I usually stifle and keep hidden away.

Here is the email:

Hi Jess!

Loved the picture of you, Dale & the kids on your blog. I thought it captured all of your characteristics so well. :)

A very good friend of mine from work lost "the love of her life" yesterday to an unexpected heart attack. It's very sad! She's been married a few times, has grown children with their own children, etc. She has been with this guy for the last twelve years, she is in her late forties & they planned on getting married in the next couple of years. They were so in love -- she smiled every time she talked about him. She is DEVASTATED!! You might have heard of him before. He's the guy that owns Dick's Brewery down in Grand Mound/Rochester. You might have heard of the beer Dick's Danger.

Anyway -- I was hoping you could tell me what you appreciated the most from your friends at the time you lost your father. I'm trying to be a better friend to everyone. In past hardship situations (especially yours), I realize that I could have done things differently to show my friends how much they mean to me, how much I care, and that I'm there for them. So, with that being said -- I'm hoping to really help Lori out in every way that I can. Any ideas you have about what you appreciated the most or wished someone would have done for you -- I'm all ears! And...I apologize if I let you down a few years ago when you lost your father. Take care!

Stacy


Before I write about what I shared with Stacy, let me back up a few years.

I attended my 10 year high school reunion the evening of August 13th, 2005. I remember sitting there and a few tables over I saw my good friend Dennis Bohanon. I don't think I had seen Dennis even once in the 10 years that had passed, but he was one of my favorite high school friends. I had heard through the grapevine that he had lost his dad to cancer just two weeks before. As I sat there and watched him, wondered how in the world he could be holding it together. He had to have been in so much pain. I cared for my friend, but I didn't go up to him and tell him I was sorry for his loss, or even acknowledge it in any way. No way. I didn't know what to say. What if I would have made him cry? What if he was barely hanging on and that sent him over the edge? How awkward would that have been? I'd never lost anyone. I didn't know that level of pain. How could I relate? What could I have possibly said? I don't think I even told him hi.

That same evening, while I attended my reunion, my own dad died suddenly to a heart attack at age 52.

Do you remember the episode of Grey's Anatomy from a few years back when Dr. O'Malley looses his dad? He and Dr. Yang have the following conversation:

CRISTINA: "There's a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club."

GEORGE: "I... I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."

CRISTINA: "Yeah, that never really changes."

It really is hard to relate to someone during their time of grief if you've never been there yourself. Just like how I felt with Dennis, it's your natural instinct is to stay away. You feel like you shouldn't bring it up. Don't make them hurt. Act like nothing's wrong. Don't call or stop by, because they are probably really sad and need their space.

The best advice I have for someone who wants to show that they care but don't really know "how", you first of all have to fight your instincts. Be there for them. Acknowledge them. Don't hide away like I did. Even if you don't know what to say, just try. Or really, you don't have to say anything at all. Just be there. Your friend won't think What do you know about what I am going through...you've never been there. Trust me. They will appreciate your effort and won't forget it. Keep them company. Offer to go out for a walk. Share your favorite story about the person.

When you write a sympathy card, really sit down and think about what to write. Try to avoid My thoughts and prayers are with you. Even if that is the only thing you can think of, maybe say I have been thinking about you and I pray that God helps you find peace in the tough days ahead.

I received many flower arrangements from friends, but one person sent a house plant. I still have it, over four years later. I love it, and it is beautiful. My sister's boss gave her a Japanese Maple for her to plant in her yard. While flowers are always a kind and thoughtful gesture, think about giving something that can be appreciated for years to come.

Consider attending the service. Even if you didn't know the person who passed, but you still want to support your friend. I remember how touched I was at which friends of mine attended. Childhood friends whom I hadn't seen in years, and friends who never even knew my dad but wanted to be there for me.

For me, there were a few periods in time what were really difficult. There's aways a huge wave of support in the days following the loss, and then you have the service. After that, the flowers wilt, the cards trickle to a slow then stop, you go back to work, back to life. I felt that month two was especially hard. Your grief and pain is still so raw. This is a time you should let your friend know you are still thinking about them. Remember that their first year without the one they love and miss is especially hard and to acknowledge that during holidays and anniversaries.

Well hopefully my advice to Stacy was helpful and someone out there learned from it too.

Oh, I did get in touch with Dennis after that via email and I found sharing similar experiences to be very helpful. We are fellow members of the Dead Dads Club. Haven't seen him in years, but still consider him a good friend.

Don't You Hate Dreams Like That?

I hate being late. I hate feeling unprepared. It's a tossup which I hate more.

I leave for Cambodia the evening of Jan 1st, and as my patient reminded me today, "That's not that far away, unlike Cambodia." Pretty witty, for a 12-year-old, I thought. I just nodded and laughed and said, "Well put."

It always seems like a race against the clock between Thanksgiving and Christmas without a mission to prepare for, and to battle the constant anxiety I have been experiencing lately I have become freakishly organized and on top of things. My Christmas cards arrived this evening from Shutterfly, and soon they will be stuffed, stamped, addressed and placed in a perfectly neat little stack with a post-it note on top reminding me to mail them December 7th. I have my shopping lists ready. I have plans all ready for my new Christmas decorations. I have the date we are cutting down the tree already written on the calendar.

This gives me a little bit of relief. On the surface.

But deep down, I still feel like I am unprepared and out of time. The dream I had last night makes this obvious. In my dream I was walking down a hallway of a hotel. Suddenly this woman appears and she's really upset with me and yells "Your plane is leaving in 7 minutes!! Why haven't you packed yet?!" And so I go into this hotel room to pack but in every drawer I open all I find is Bella's baby clothes. The only thing I find to pack is a pair of ugly flip-flops from 7th grade.

If anyone has any stress-relieving tips for me, I'm all ears.

The Torch Has Been Passed

Remember this post? If not, I'll remind you. Someone in my office is always expecting. It's weird but true. When one baby is born, within a few nanoseconds, someone else becomes pregnant.

So I am sure lately you have been thinking, Now that Dr. Bowers and his wife had their baby, who is pregnant now?

Haley announced today that she is pregnant. Baby #3! And by my calculations...she must have conceived right around the day the Bowers baby was born. And thus the cycle continues...

Halloween Pictures

Ok...I am about two weeks late on posting these pictures. My friend Melissa had an 80's Halloween party, but only a few of us fun souls actually dressed the part. Here are a few:

My bangs had fallen (I've lost my touch!!)


Got the bangs teased back up and reinforced with extra hair spray.


That's Melissa's sister and my co-worker between us, Shelley.

Don't Look Now, But There's a Butterfly on Your Back

Dale, the kids and I spent the weekend up in Seattle with our friends Chris and Jennifer (because you're never too old for sleepovers, I always say). Chris and Dale spent the greater part of Sunday at the Seahawks game, while Jenn and I entertained the five kids by taking them to the Pacific Science Center.

There's this butterfly exhibit, where you are in a big green house of sorts with, like, thousands of butterflies fluttering about.

My kids were instantly scared.

A word about my kids: They're scared of everything. Especially Rowan. There's the usual...bugs, spiders, ants...then there's the innocent...puppies, kittens, butterflies.

Throughout the exhibit there was lots of handholding and constant reassurance.
"Look at how beautiful they are!" We'd say with exaggerated amazement. "They won't hurt you! They want to be your friend!! They're really nice!" and so on.

When Rowan bent over to look at the Koi fish in the pond, this friendly butterfly landed on his back. Of course I whip out the camera. And then like that- it came and went and Rowan never even knew. It's a good thing, too, because he would have FA-REAKED and everyone else in the exhibit would have blown eardrums from what Dale and I refer to as The Whistle Scream.