Don't Waste Your Money on Therapy and Antidepressants, Just Visit the Third World

I came back from Cambodia in January a different person. The experience changed my values, my relationships with my husband and kids, my view of money, my view of my own country and it's government and it's definition of poverty, and most of all, it changed my thoughts. I returned home feeling like the luckiest person in the whole world.

Stuff just didn't bug me anymore like it used to. I saw the positive side of every situation. For months, I rode that high. It was the best feeling ever (well, one of the best, heh). I saw the world through new eyes. I was grateful for everything. Knowing my children have access to education, opportunities, health care, food, and clean water. And hope. I'll never have to endure the helpless feeling of watching my children starve or die from treatable diseases. I'll never have to make the unthinkable decision of abandoning them or giving them up with the tiniest bit of hope that they will find a better life. They'll never loose a limb to a landmine, or sleep under a mosquito net, or be forced into slavery, or prostitution, or work for pennies in sweatshops so Old Navy provide us with the latest styles.

I was thankful for my home that provides me warmth, safety, security, and protection. I don't have to grill rats on the railroad tracks directly behind my shack built of sticks, right next to the bushes where I defecate. No, I don't have to do any of those things, and I knew I was lucky.

I was thankful that I have a good job. And a nice car. And a president who wants the best for my country. And freedom.

Seriously, you guys, I'd stand in my closet and think to myself, I'm so lucky to have shoes.

Do you know what it's like going through life feeling like you've struck gold? It's a feeling you never, ever want to loose.

But as I feared, I am starting to loose it.

I am starting to get hung up on stupid, trivial shit like I used to. The other day, I was in the drive-thru at my favorite coffee shop. And it was a Sunday, and it was taking forever. Why do they only employ one gal on Sundays when the rest of the week there's always two girls working? Why not spend a couple extra bucks for the second employee so the line can clip along like it usually does?? Ugh, so annoying.

Yesterday I sat down to do some photo editing, so I opened up Photoshop, and what's this? My format couldn't be recognized? As it turns out, because I have a new camera but a two-year-old version of Photoshop (I know! So ancient!) my RAW files cannot be edited. There's no way around it. Wait- there is. Upgrade from Photoshop CS3 to CS5 for a couple hundred bucks. The world heard a steady stream of expletives over that one. I was SO mad. Fuming. Pissed. Furious. Why can't life be fair!?? Why does stuff like this always have to happen??

I read a comment on an Adobe forum over this exact problem that contained the line "If you can afford the 5D Mark II, than you can afford to upgrade your software." That just made me more pissed!! I wanted to tell that guy, Look! I finally saved enough for that camera! You know, good old fashioned SAVING!! Not on credit, not borrowed, not given from mommy and daddy, but saved!! And I didn't buy it until I had enough! And I don't want to drop a few hundred more because Adobe changed the system!

The old me would have instantly thought...It's not the end of the world. I have the jpeg files as a back up. Jennifer Skog encouraged us to not bother shooting in RAW anyway. Shooting strictly in jpeg from here on out will actually improve my photography skills, since I won't rely on RAW to save my images. ...And how lucky am I to have access to such technology?

I miss the old me.

Sorry for the rant. Where was I, again?

Oh yes, Cambodia.

I can't wait to go back to Cambodia...so I can again have the feeling, every moment of everyday, that I've won the lottery.