I had a dream last night that my brother died. It was so vivid and real and horrible. Then, in my dream, I woke up and was so relieved that it was only a dream, but I was told that no, he really was gone. I cried and cried and cried. The feeling was so awful.
When I really did wake up, it was 2:00, and while I WAS relieved that it was just a dream, the realness of it made me so upset that I could not go back to sleep.
Today while I was at work, I was happy and thankful that I still have my brother here. I even took a break from my patient and went and called him. I described my dream and then told him how much I love him.
I remember the day he was born my dad holding me up to the sink in the hospital and helping me wash my hands with the little red disposable scrubby thing, so I could hold him. I remember laughing when he yawned. It is crystal clear in my mind.
I love my brother. I am so glad it was only a dream.
This blog chronicles my life as a wife, mom, dental hygienist, photographer, and smart aleck. I make my home in Washington State. My favorite things are laughing, eating good food, taking pictures, cake decorating, blogging, and serving dental missions in third world countries. I stick my foot in my mouth so often we'll go ahead and call that a favorite hobby, too. I like to think of my blog readers as friends I invite into my home. So welcome. Come on in.
We've both experienced significant loss in our lives. Loss that still hurts us every day. Don't feel bad that this might make me feel bad. I'm glad you still have your brother, you don't have to feel bad for my sake. I'm glad you shared that and that you could call him and tell you're glad he is still here.
ReplyDeleteI have a reoccuring dream that my brother is alive. I see him and I start crying uncontrollably and hugging him and crying, and hugging, and crying and hugging.... In the dream he kind of just stands there indifferent to my extreme emotion, but I don't care. I am just so happy to see him and I can't stop crying and hugging him. When I wake up in the morning I feel like throwing up. I feel like I actually just saw him, like it really happened. But the nightmare continues....he's not here, he's really gone. I usually can't shake the feelings for a couple days. The last time I had that dream, I woke up and went to church the next day (it was Sunday). At church they sang the hymn "I'll Fly Away", which we sung at Willie's funeral. I'm not sure I've ever sung that song at church, so it was really hard considering I had just woke up from that dream. Although it was painful, I knew that God was telling me that it's okay. It wasn't just a freak dream. I will reunite with Willie someday. And maybe I will hug him and cry and hug him and cry because I will be so happy to see him and the pain will be over, just like He promises.
Jess, This is the time of year when both your grandmas' died. I think it is in the back of your mind.Having those dreams make us cherish the ones we love the most.I think we all lose sight of that.Horrible is a child in a burn unit or getting that call that a loved one is gone. It is not your housekeeper calling and cancelling before a dinner party. It is not that you lost a job. It is not that your costume didn't arrive in time for Halloween.Don't ever take life for granted. It is snatched away on a moments notice. Love Mom
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